Holler if you hear me! I Gave up!

...perfect little dream, the kind that hurts the most...

NIN Gave Up

This is my last reading response to the last education class I will hopefully ever take in my life.

I found Michie’s Holler if you hear me to be much better than Maran’s Class Dismissed. Right off the bat I liked Michie’s unassuming, first-person tone of voice over the assuming, third-person omniscient (know it all) tone of Maran. Michie’s motives seemed honest both in terms of how he related and dissected the material he was presenting to the reader, while Maran’s motives seemed premeditated and agenda driven. The little self-reflection offered in Maran’s Class Dismissed seemed like a hollow window dressing intended to deflect both Maran and her audience away from the apparent hypocrisies in the way she presented some of the material/ideas in her book. Michie was always being honest with himself (introspective with his motives), so it was easy to take what he had to say (his view of the world and its problems) to heart.

A veteran teacher of over twenty years once told me that in order to be successful at the profession of education: “You have to be good at fooling yourself”. I didn’t think much of it at the time, until I finished up Michie a few minutes ago. No matter how many bad things Michie saw he always put a positive spin on it. Instead of giving up hope by watching countless students renounce gangs, teen-pregnancy, etc. only to give into them time and time again he never gives up hope. He’s witnessing the cycle repeating itself over and over again – student after student, generation after generation – and it never seems to get to him. He’s not just a person that sees the good in people no matter how lost they’ve become; he’s the glass is half-full even when there’s only a drop of water in it kind of person. He’s like a modern day King Leonidas fighting an unwinnable battle in the hopes it will inspire the rest of the soldiers (students, teachers, and activists) to win the war. Unfortunately, I’ve found I lack such conviction. Not to mention, I’m not very good at fooling myself.

I feel there are glaring contradictions/hypocrisies within the American education system that as the kids would say: “everybody be frontin' about”. More than collectively fooling each other, we’re fooling ourselves when it comes to a lot of things in this country. I suppose it helps people cope with reality better. Americans love escapism. Anyways, how can everyone achieve equally if like Michie says on page 82: “Then there was Elizabeth. Some people, I suppose, develop into poets, but other just seem to be born with the gift”, or on page 141: “…I would’ve put his work up against that of many college-level videographers. The kid, as they say, had skills”? That’s not to say people shouldn’t have equal opportunity, but equal opportunity doesn’t necessarily mean equal results. So why do we expect everyone to achieve to the same level? Regardless if schools un-track classrooms some people are going to have “the gift” or “skilz” and some won’t. It should be the responsibility of public education to find those that don’t have “the gift” or “the skillz” a job that can provide them a living wage, while giving the kids that have the “gift” and “the skillz” every opportunity to fulfill their exceptional potential. Filling less than exceptional kids’ heads with dreams that they can “achieve anything” when they’re five or more grade levels behind the curve in reading, writing, and arithmetic is foolish. Moreover, it can be cruel because the kids (no matter how good hearted or optimistic they are) are going to find out the truth one day, one way or the other, and when they find out it will most likely break what's left of their dwindling spirits. Maybe, that’s what happened to William and Luis? Perhaps, one day they figured out that they couldn’t achieve their super-sized American dreams, and had no job skills to boot. Heartbroken and with no other life-options they exercised their only viable solution and joined a gang. They would have been better served by their education to have been provided with some viable job skills; rather than being used as pawns to assuage America’s egocentric, idealistic dream that everyone can succeed to the point of super-star, consumerism. There simply isn’t enough space for all these big dreams. Not to mention, the weight of the world can’t support the all-consuming nature of this mentality.

We (Americans and the people that live here regardless of the cultural/country/ethnic/religious/sexual orientation) live in (or at the very least within) a culture of vast contradictions that includes but is not limited to instant gratification, work ethic, personal responsibility, victimization, hero worship, victim worship, materialism, altruism, greed, generosity, individualism, community, elitism, equality, spirituality, hedonism, justice, injustice, order and rebellion. We all want our cake and want to eat it too. It’s the easy answer, which is what everyone is looking for in this country (just another American Dream). That’s what it seems like almost all the students want to do in terms of solving the educational crisis. As Juan relates on page 144 he wants his teachers to be “strict but free”. Ruby expresses the same sentiment on page 115 when she says: “Teachers must also know how to control the kids but not get out of hand like trying to abuse the students”. What about the students learning to control themselves? Everybody (teachers and the world at large included) is so caught up with trying to blame everything on everybody else that they fail “to be the change in the world we wish to see in others”. No one is willing to look in the mirror unless it’s to point a finger at somebody else. That doesn’t seem like much of a change to me. Or is the “change” that’s supposed to occur in every individual just limited to a particular group of people while everyone else can just stay the same? At any rate, something needs to change. I suggest we start with everyone.

I’ll start with myself by getting out of pursuing this profession for the time being. I have the utmost respect for educators and their courageous idealism. However, like I once read in a book and ended up learning from experience: “Courage is two parts fool, one part bravery”. I feel there was a time when America thought too much with its mind and not enough with its heart, and now it has overcompensated by thinking too much with its heart and not enough with its mind. America needs to find a balance again, and so do I. Thus, I wish Michie and all his band of like-minded, educational warriors good luck. I’m deserting the front and heading to greener pastures to prepare for the storm on the horizon.