Sometimes things don't work out the way we planned, especially in L.A.

Where did she go wrong? Everything was going so well. She was going to be a big star, on-top of the world like the millions of lost dreamers that flock to this great land of ours every day.

After-all, you know you've hit it big when you're doing photo-ops for the guys who get off on pictures of hot chicks with guns. Next thing you know you'll be hangin' with the biggest meth dealer in the country, doing your meth for free, and kidnapping and torturing people for kicks.

Or maybe not, another one bites the dust.

Where we going?

Where we going? Change, oh yeah, great. I was worried about where we were going.

Another Wonderful World leader...

Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf was to appeal for calm and national unity Wednesday after the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, with a delay in elections due to be announced later in the day.The following is the English, for dummies translation:

Be peaceful and calm, my people who don’t even want me in power. Ha, ha, f*cking peasants! I was just throwing this out there, ya know? No, I guess you don’t, because you are idiot peasant scum, and you my bitches. Aahahahah, as if it matters! I know you’d much rather run around killing each other, setting off bombs, and screaming loud religious slogans at one another. After all, it’s much more interesting than being tolerant of each other’s differences, co-existing, and living in relative peace and harmony with one another. But again, I’d just like to throw that one out there, before I declare marshall law again, and start shooting people dead in the street for looking at me funny, or I just plain don’t like for whatever reason. Peace out and Allah Akbar, beyothces. I gots the U.S. government backing me. I’m kind of like Saddam or Bin Laden before they decided they didn’t like them. Oh, and don’t worry “free-world”, our nuclear arsenal is completely safe and I won’t sell it or leak information or anything. You can count on me! George W. Bush likes me. If his name doesn’t spell credibility and democracy I don’t know what does.

Hillary, the All-American

Time magazine recently asked what Hillary Clinton believes in/stands for. It has been a reoccurring question from the start, and will continue to come op until the election is over, she loses, and the destiny of America’s demise is sealed when Mike Huckabee is elected president. But that’s beside the point.

So, what does Hillary Clinton really stand for? It’s a very simple answer and comes down to one word: winning, or more specifically winning at all costs. Hillary is so American that it hurts. She epitomizes everything it means to be an All-American that it makes me cringe when her rivals attack her for being soft, or un-American. She’s anything but! All she cares about is winning and she’ll do anything, pay any amount of money necessary, shift her position or maintain her position she previously flipped flopped on through the use of her expert rhetoric (she can talk her way in or out of anything), sacrifice anything or anyone, lop-off whoever’s heads are necessary, or feed any friend or foe to the wolves so long as it profits her. In-fact, she neither has friend or foe, just people she uses to get what she wants out of this world for herself and her proud, individual American dream. After-all, the individual is more important than society. And that’s why we’re all going to get ours (selfish dreams), especially Hillary. God bless, America.

Holy sh*t, they believed that sh*t. They're even dumber than I thought.

Take me to your leader, Mike Huckabee

Mike Huckabee is rockin’ a sweet base-lick with his homie of faith Chuck Norris, AKA: Walker Texas Ranger, The Mad Dog Commando from a series of two-bit Vietnam revenge fantasy movies, or that guy who got his ass kicked by Bruce Lee.

The scary thing is that this jack ass could win for the same reason Bush did: Americans like him because they think they can sit down and have a beer with him, and he even has a great sense of humor and likes Chuck Norris jokes like we do. Not mention, he’s even friends with Chuck Norris. Oh, but he doesn’t drink and he thinks the Universe was created 10,000 years ago. Fucking shoot me if he wins, we’re fucking done. If there is in-fact intelligent life watching our planet they would officially deem the human race unintelligent life if he wins, and doom us for extinction. But who can blame them when a guy with a name like Huckabee is elected leader of the free world? Did I mention Chuck Norris has got his back? Watch out Aliens. We might not get along, believe the Universe was created 10,000 years ago, and we elected Bush twice followed by a yokel named Huckabee…, but you’ve never seen a divinely inspired, good old-fashioned Chuck Norris drop kick. Take that death rays, bad guys, playa-hatas, and Al Queda too. Chuck Norris representin’ Mike Huckabee, fo shizal!

Heil Huckabee!

So this is my first bloggg...So what?

So, I've joined the countless other self-important bloggers of the universe who think that what they have to say is so much better than what everyone else has to say, and if only everyone would just listen to what they had to say everything would be okay. It used to be that one would have to get published and/or try to make a movie or something to gain that luxury. Not anymore, thanks to the internet! And so, my story goes...

This is my shameless attempt to try to market myself and my product. I will include much more content in the future. In other news, I got kicked off the New York Giants Vs. Dallas Cowboys chat board on espn.com yesterday during the game for posting such words of wisdom as:

1)Tony Romo needs to take lessons on his gag-reflex from Jessica Simpson so he doesn't choke so hard on the GIANT MEN.

2)Tony Romo is the MVP of the league-of-choke, well, him and Jessica Simpson.

3)Why is Tony taking Jason Witten on his romantic getaway with Jessica? I guess we all know who Tony's real favorite tight-end is.

And, of course we all know why T.O. is really crying. He's just sad that Tony and Jason didn't invite him on their little freaky deeky getaway. -uck disneyland! Tony and Jason have got Jessica!