I'm just a hired gun...

I was greeted today by a messy desk, which prevented me from finding the assignments the teacher said she left me. I was surprised to find a blackwater coffee mug in the corner of the room. But I shouldn't have been surprised because Los Angeles public schools are pretty much a war-zone. I guess the government is hiring the real thing to mess things up in the public schools these days.

The first three periods reminded me of why I wanted to teach. They were nothing less than amazing. Well, most of them at least, which is a rarity. I'm used to nightmares of epic proportions when comes to my experiences within L.A.'s public schools. It's refreshing when you get a good class full of good kids every once in a blue moon.

During second period the students in the Drama club put on a modern rendition of Hamlet, which was surprisingly good. The best part was when one of the actors tripped over the dead king while uttering the words "Thou shall...Oh shit!" before he fell flat on his face. He was lucky he didn't impale himself on his prop sword. However, he recovered nicely despite the raucous laughter from the audience.

In period three nothing of note happened, but I did break my record for the number of Jose(s) in the same class (8 out of 27). So much for diversity in the Los Angeles public school system.

By fourth period things started going downhill, fast. For awhile there I thought I would have a full day of good classes, which has never happened in my almost three years of substitute teaching in L.A. I should have known that it is impossible for a teacher (no matter how good, effective, or inspirational they are) to have a full schedule of good classes. Not to mention, she warned me in the note she left me.

The future of the city of the future began the class by engaging in ghetto flirting. This is a mating ritual that ghetto azz children use. It entails the exchanging of the most vulgar, disrespectful sexual expressions they can think up. Here's a few things I overheard them saying:

Boy: "Bitch, close yo' legz cuz it smell like a fish market up in here".

Girl: "Well, your cock and balls smell like 100 year old nasty gym shoes."

Boy: "Well, you a butt, azz face who like to take it in the mouth, which means you like to take it in da butt."

Girl: "That don't make no sense."

Boy: "Sure it does. It make perfect sense."

Girl: "Whatever, foo. I bet you got a small cock and are into freaky sex, s and m style like yo' momma is."

Boy: "Hellz yeah I'm into freaky sex! Who isn't!?"

Girl: "Tru Dat."

I could go on and on...

Yeah, I probably should have sent some of them to the office, but what's the point? The office was full as it was, and at least the kids were in their seats, not making a mess, and not being violent. They were even kind of doing their worksheets. In addition, the majority of the class were fucking around, which they probably learned it from wherever they were when they were not in school. When it was all said in done I couldn't do shit about it, so I thought I might as well get some shits and giggles about of it.


Fifth period was even worse as it resembled a kindergarten class aside from them being almost fully grown 8th graders (some were almost as big as me). Nobody could sit still, follow directions, or do anything productive aside from making a mess, insulting one another, trying to pick fights, and make overt passes at the few females in the class who were trying to do their work amidst the ruckus (for some reason it's rare for a really bad class to have any males that try to do anything aside from cause trouble). But all that stuff is really nothing to the everyday occurrences I experience. The most shocking thing that happened today was that I had to break up a fight between two very dark Latinos who were insulting each other by calling each other "black" in Spanish. I tried to reason with them about equality and all, but I was over-matched by the reality of their real worlds that were completely unreal, alien, and unbelievable to me. My world isn't that much different to them, as it is to most people. But they will see, someday. Like everyone else will one way or the other. Time is on my side, not theirs.


Well, the "students" may not be learning much from their formal education, but I sure as hell am. A tangible example is that I should keep up not smoking (41 days and counting). This educational periodical on not smoking that I found the students clowning on inspired me to keep up the good fight of saving my own ass from the perils of the modern world and the dysfunctional mentality it spreads like a disease begging to be cured.