I'm just a hired gun...

I was greeted today by a messy desk, which prevented me from finding the assignments the teacher said she left me. I was surprised to find a blackwater coffee mug in the corner of the room. But I shouldn't have been surprised because Los Angeles public schools are pretty much a war-zone. I guess the government is hiring the real thing to mess things up in the public schools these days.

The first three periods reminded me of why I wanted to teach. They were nothing less than amazing. Well, most of them at least, which is a rarity. I'm used to nightmares of epic proportions when comes to my experiences within L.A.'s public schools. It's refreshing when you get a good class full of good kids every once in a blue moon.

During second period the students in the Drama club put on a modern rendition of Hamlet, which was surprisingly good. The best part was when one of the actors tripped over the dead king while uttering the words "Thou shall...Oh shit!" before he fell flat on his face. He was lucky he didn't impale himself on his prop sword. However, he recovered nicely despite the raucous laughter from the audience.

In period three nothing of note happened, but I did break my record for the number of Jose(s) in the same class (8 out of 27). So much for diversity in the Los Angeles public school system.

By fourth period things started going downhill, fast. For awhile there I thought I would have a full day of good classes, which has never happened in my almost three years of substitute teaching in L.A. I should have known that it is impossible for a teacher (no matter how good, effective, or inspirational they are) to have a full schedule of good classes. Not to mention, she warned me in the note she left me.

The future of the city of the future began the class by engaging in ghetto flirting. This is a mating ritual that ghetto azz children use. It entails the exchanging of the most vulgar, disrespectful sexual expressions they can think up. Here's a few things I overheard them saying:

Boy: "Bitch, close yo' legz cuz it smell like a fish market up in here".

Girl: "Well, your cock and balls smell like 100 year old nasty gym shoes."

Boy: "Well, you a butt, azz face who like to take it in the mouth, which means you like to take it in da butt."

Girl: "That don't make no sense."

Boy: "Sure it does. It make perfect sense."

Girl: "Whatever, foo. I bet you got a small cock and are into freaky sex, s and m style like yo' momma is."

Boy: "Hellz yeah I'm into freaky sex! Who isn't!?"

Girl: "Tru Dat."

I could go on and on...

Yeah, I probably should have sent some of them to the office, but what's the point? The office was full as it was, and at least the kids were in their seats, not making a mess, and not being violent. They were even kind of doing their worksheets. In addition, the majority of the class were fucking around, which they probably learned it from wherever they were when they were not in school. When it was all said in done I couldn't do shit about it, so I thought I might as well get some shits and giggles about of it.


Fifth period was even worse as it resembled a kindergarten class aside from them being almost fully grown 8th graders (some were almost as big as me). Nobody could sit still, follow directions, or do anything productive aside from making a mess, insulting one another, trying to pick fights, and make overt passes at the few females in the class who were trying to do their work amidst the ruckus (for some reason it's rare for a really bad class to have any males that try to do anything aside from cause trouble). But all that stuff is really nothing to the everyday occurrences I experience. The most shocking thing that happened today was that I had to break up a fight between two very dark Latinos who were insulting each other by calling each other "black" in Spanish. I tried to reason with them about equality and all, but I was over-matched by the reality of their real worlds that were completely unreal, alien, and unbelievable to me. My world isn't that much different to them, as it is to most people. But they will see, someday. Like everyone else will one way or the other. Time is on my side, not theirs.


Well, the "students" may not be learning much from their formal education, but I sure as hell am. A tangible example is that I should keep up not smoking (41 days and counting). This educational periodical on not smoking that I found the students clowning on inspired me to keep up the good fight of saving my own ass from the perils of the modern world and the dysfunctional mentality it spreads like a disease begging to be cured.

Gotta Love Those Bumber Sticker Activists....

Keep on fighting the power, man! One more bumper sticker and you might convince someone who otherwise wouldn't agree with you in one of your noble causes. Even better, go on a road trip cross-country and convert the masses one stop light/sign and/or traffic jam at a time!

Is it just me or is everyone in this country as deluded, self-important, and egotistical as me? Does this guy really think anyone is reading his bumper stickers, let alone cares what he thinks? I haven't seen such elitist, self-righteousness since my days in Berkeley walking around Sproul talking about philosophy, history, equality and other totally righteous things while trying to sound smarter and more righteous than everyone else. Gawd, college students are so annoying and pretentious. Man, I'm getting old. Sigh... All those people I used to know are now living comfortable middle-class life-styles and are more concerned about their new cars, new jobs, new clothes, and perhaps a donation to a noble cause every now and then. Everyone is a sell-out. Then again, you've got to sell out before you can buy into the dream. Apparently, my soul isn't worth selling. I should be taking lessons on life from Tucker Max.

Holler if you hear me! I Gave up!

...perfect little dream, the kind that hurts the most...

NIN Gave Up

This is my last reading response to the last education class I will hopefully ever take in my life.

I found Michie’s Holler if you hear me to be much better than Maran’s Class Dismissed. Right off the bat I liked Michie’s unassuming, first-person tone of voice over the assuming, third-person omniscient (know it all) tone of Maran. Michie’s motives seemed honest both in terms of how he related and dissected the material he was presenting to the reader, while Maran’s motives seemed premeditated and agenda driven. The little self-reflection offered in Maran’s Class Dismissed seemed like a hollow window dressing intended to deflect both Maran and her audience away from the apparent hypocrisies in the way she presented some of the material/ideas in her book. Michie was always being honest with himself (introspective with his motives), so it was easy to take what he had to say (his view of the world and its problems) to heart.

A veteran teacher of over twenty years once told me that in order to be successful at the profession of education: “You have to be good at fooling yourself”. I didn’t think much of it at the time, until I finished up Michie a few minutes ago. No matter how many bad things Michie saw he always put a positive spin on it. Instead of giving up hope by watching countless students renounce gangs, teen-pregnancy, etc. only to give into them time and time again he never gives up hope. He’s witnessing the cycle repeating itself over and over again – student after student, generation after generation – and it never seems to get to him. He’s not just a person that sees the good in people no matter how lost they’ve become; he’s the glass is half-full even when there’s only a drop of water in it kind of person. He’s like a modern day King Leonidas fighting an unwinnable battle in the hopes it will inspire the rest of the soldiers (students, teachers, and activists) to win the war. Unfortunately, I’ve found I lack such conviction. Not to mention, I’m not very good at fooling myself.

I feel there are glaring contradictions/hypocrisies within the American education system that as the kids would say: “everybody be frontin' about”. More than collectively fooling each other, we’re fooling ourselves when it comes to a lot of things in this country. I suppose it helps people cope with reality better. Americans love escapism. Anyways, how can everyone achieve equally if like Michie says on page 82: “Then there was Elizabeth. Some people, I suppose, develop into poets, but other just seem to be born with the gift”, or on page 141: “…I would’ve put his work up against that of many college-level videographers. The kid, as they say, had skills”? That’s not to say people shouldn’t have equal opportunity, but equal opportunity doesn’t necessarily mean equal results. So why do we expect everyone to achieve to the same level? Regardless if schools un-track classrooms some people are going to have “the gift” or “skilz” and some won’t. It should be the responsibility of public education to find those that don’t have “the gift” or “the skillz” a job that can provide them a living wage, while giving the kids that have the “gift” and “the skillz” every opportunity to fulfill their exceptional potential. Filling less than exceptional kids’ heads with dreams that they can “achieve anything” when they’re five or more grade levels behind the curve in reading, writing, and arithmetic is foolish. Moreover, it can be cruel because the kids (no matter how good hearted or optimistic they are) are going to find out the truth one day, one way or the other, and when they find out it will most likely break what's left of their dwindling spirits. Maybe, that’s what happened to William and Luis? Perhaps, one day they figured out that they couldn’t achieve their super-sized American dreams, and had no job skills to boot. Heartbroken and with no other life-options they exercised their only viable solution and joined a gang. They would have been better served by their education to have been provided with some viable job skills; rather than being used as pawns to assuage America’s egocentric, idealistic dream that everyone can succeed to the point of super-star, consumerism. There simply isn’t enough space for all these big dreams. Not to mention, the weight of the world can’t support the all-consuming nature of this mentality.

We (Americans and the people that live here regardless of the cultural/country/ethnic/religious/sexual orientation) live in (or at the very least within) a culture of vast contradictions that includes but is not limited to instant gratification, work ethic, personal responsibility, victimization, hero worship, victim worship, materialism, altruism, greed, generosity, individualism, community, elitism, equality, spirituality, hedonism, justice, injustice, order and rebellion. We all want our cake and want to eat it too. It’s the easy answer, which is what everyone is looking for in this country (just another American Dream). That’s what it seems like almost all the students want to do in terms of solving the educational crisis. As Juan relates on page 144 he wants his teachers to be “strict but free”. Ruby expresses the same sentiment on page 115 when she says: “Teachers must also know how to control the kids but not get out of hand like trying to abuse the students”. What about the students learning to control themselves? Everybody (teachers and the world at large included) is so caught up with trying to blame everything on everybody else that they fail “to be the change in the world we wish to see in others”. No one is willing to look in the mirror unless it’s to point a finger at somebody else. That doesn’t seem like much of a change to me. Or is the “change” that’s supposed to occur in every individual just limited to a particular group of people while everyone else can just stay the same? At any rate, something needs to change. I suggest we start with everyone.

I’ll start with myself by getting out of pursuing this profession for the time being. I have the utmost respect for educators and their courageous idealism. However, like I once read in a book and ended up learning from experience: “Courage is two parts fool, one part bravery”. I feel there was a time when America thought too much with its mind and not enough with its heart, and now it has overcompensated by thinking too much with its heart and not enough with its mind. America needs to find a balance again, and so do I. Thus, I wish Michie and all his band of like-minded, educational warriors good luck. I’m deserting the front and heading to greener pastures to prepare for the storm on the horizon.

Whoo Hoo! China FoilsTerror Attack!

Unfortunately, like the rest of the civilized world they fail to foil the terrorism that they themselves perpetuate.

West L.A. is a Ghetto...

I saw a bunch of the children of the future looking to make their marks on the world yesterday after school. I was turning left onto Texas off Westgate when I noticed four "students" vacating their car. They were flashing gang signs and yelling obscenities at a "student" walking alone on the side walk. They met each other half-way, blocking thru traffic with their petty gangster posturing and their parked car.

A middle-aged white man in a black Volkswagon Jetta that was right behind the "student's" parked car when it stopped suddenly decided he didn't want to witness the free entertainment and threw it in reverse. The guy really must have been shit his pants because he floored it, flying straight for me in reverse. I had to swerve off to the far right side of the road to avoid him.

I was a little freaked out myself, but the exhilaration and curiosity won out. I slowly pulled forward to watch the scene unfold. The three "students" who jumped out of their car to ambush the individual "student" were busy calling him a "bitch", "coward" and "faggot" as they crept towards him. He was bravely standing his ground on the edge of the street corner while throwing back his own insults. I couldn't believe he wasn't running; I certainly would have been if I were outnumbered by four big ass motherfuckers looking to kick my ass. Then I found out why he wasn't running, and so did they. He opened his coat to reveal something, I'm not sure what because I didn't see it, but it made his four adversaries run like hell back to their car, jump in with slammed doors, and squeal their tires as they got the hell out of there.

I always see these dudes walking down the back of my alley after school, before school, and during school. I've even ran into a few of them smoking bud by my car.

Wow, this place is really getting better everyday, really showing improvement. Shit, it's like Motorcycle Boy said in Rumble Fish: "California is like a wild girl on herion: you can show her the scars, but she still won't believe you when you tell her she's dying". I'd expand that to the rest of American and the world as well.

And this is where they come from-right across the street. Notice the nice new gang signs tagged on the wall, one of which is crossed out.

God damn it, I didn't think people still stole car stereos. I guess I must of gotten on a "students" bad side when I expected him to work hard and educate himself. I should have just left him alone to his own mutually assured self-destruction. It's just the nature of humanity, I guess. No matter where we come from we like to destroy things, especially ourselves and everyone around us.

Worry, be Sad...

Okay, so things aren't that bad. In-fact, things are going pretty damn well. Life is interesting and things are progressing. However, I'm still hurting over the Memphis loss. And the fact that I dropped Bill Hall for Mark Buerhle in my Yahoo! fantasy baseball league. What the fuck was I thinking? The season hadn't even started yet, and I didn't even need starting pitching. Oh well, at least my ESPN team is looking good. On the other hand, I miraculously got the first pick in both my drafts and subsequently took AROD in both drafts. Lucky for me? No, unlucky for AROD and the Yankees. There's no way he or the Yankees can do well after I landed him in two drafts. AROD and the Yankees received my fantasy pick of death. Good thing I hate AROD and the Yankees. Fuck, I should have picked Hanley Ramirez. Then again, I like Hanley. He doesn't deserve the fate of my fantasy draft-day touch of death.



I went to the body worlds exhibit this weekend. It was quite the experience aside from the freaky cadevaers posed in artistic poses that were supposed to be more science than spectacle. I have to agree that the exhibit is more science than spectacle. The primary spectacle came from observing the people that show up to such public events.

I was surprised by the number of young children at the event. I think there should at least be a: "You have to be tall enough to see in the glass case without being held up by your parents rule". And if your 10-12 year old daughters or sons aren't mature enough to refrain from commenting publicly about about the male/female genitalia in a sexual manner then you probably shouldn't bring them along, or at the very least reprimand them when they say something inappropriate. It still blows me away that I kept hearing a girl that couldn't have been older than 12 repeatedly commenting to her younger sister/friend/relative about how the men's "cocks are rather small" and how she's "had much bigger" throughout the exhibit. Apparently, her parents/guardians didn't give a shit.

However, the most shocking thing of all at the exhibit was the couple passionately making out, feeling each other up, and whispering dirty sweet nothings in each others ears while intermittently glancing at this exhibit. There was also a huge crowd around them. They were shameless. So are we.

It's all about the money, man...

Hellz, yeah! Sorry, UCLA friends, but my boys from da dirty dirty are taking me to the bank. I had them picked to win it since the first week of the season.

I've been an avid college basketball fan since I was in elementary school and this is the best college basketball team I've ever had the pleasure of watching. At the very least they're the most fun to watch play (even more fun than my beloved fab-5).

Oh, and I'm officially shifting Rose from my #2 pick in the draft to #1. The guy just has mad basketball skillz-both mental and physical. He knows when to make the pass, when to take it strong, and when to pop one off. He's just a great baller in the mold of Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Jason Kidd and Baron Davis. The thing is he's better than all four of those guys when they were freshmen in college.

Go TIGERS!

APRIL FOOL...

Well, I didn't make it by the school today. I didn't work today. I did do my taxes, which is torture in itself. Apparently, I've been pre-approved to buy a car I can't afford, with money I don't really have. Kind of like the government and the economic stimulus plan. The market is still hanging in there, but I still can't get the numbers. People's portfolios are doing fine. There's hope. I hope the numbers don't catch up with the hope.

And speaking of economic stimulus fuck you OCPD for giving me a speeding ticket when I was going with traffic flow, not to mention I was being passed on both sides. In addition, it was more dangerous to pull me over in that heavy traffic to begin with. I bet you pulled me over b/c I had Santa Monica plates. Well, there goes three-hundred dollars and my perfect driving record. Fucking bastards. You fucking suck.

I think I should go down to the street corner and find those students. Maybe they can hook me up with some shit that will help me "just not give a fuck"?

THE STORY PROJECT

It's always a great way to start the day when the teacher leaves you a stack of referral forms on the desk. Not to mention, the note about how her class is completely uncontrollable is nice too.

I don't blame her for the prior apologies she left in her note concerning her classes' behavior. It's pretty typical throughout LAUSD. An atypical day would be the class being well-behaved and ready to learn.

What is ADHD?

As if I needed a form instructing me "what to look for" when I have thirty-plus kids a class that I see on a daily basis who display the symptoms. However, sometimes I do mistake crackbabies, victims of fetal alcohol syndrome, drug addicts, alcoholics, bratz, lazy asses, and snarky little shits for kids with ADHD. What I really need is a pamphlet that helps me discern the subtle differences in a politically correct manner that isn't objectionable to anyone's idealistic snow globes.

I look up and see this note on the wall while I watch the kids do absolutely nothing of importance aside from talking about stuff that they think is really important but doesn't mean shit. I've given up trying to gain control or enlighten them in any way. Even though they can barely read or write they know and have experienced everything. They think they should teach me, which they do in their own ways.

Oh well, not even the real teacher can control the kids. And according to one of her aides I'm doing a good job. She says I'm being really patient with them, but it's really because after three years of giving a shit I'm just too tired to give a shit anymore. But at least I got them to read the first page of their two page reading assignment during the first half-hour of class, which is more than they usually do. It was like pulling teeth.

Read 25 books? When? In their life-time? What kind of "books"? The fifty page ones with the three-inch type? Shit, I don't know what's sadder: that they don't care or that I don't care anymore?



Somebody put this on my back during fifth period. I was in the library during my "planning period", which I spent watching a teacher deal with the class I just had. I didn't have to be there, but went there to jot some stuff down in my notebook. I thought it would be quiet.
Anyways, a kid must have put it on me while the class was getting their learn on in the library.

The librarian was going over the "The Story Project" with the raucous class as the class's teacher ran around screaming in an effort to get them all to sit down and pay attention. "The Story Project" is a way for Hollywood to give back to the community while sending their kids to private school. It's a way for them to get their hands dirty without really getting their hands dirty, so they can look in the mirror each day they get home and say: "I'm beautiful, and I'm a good person. See, it's not my fault, it's somebody else's." Here are a few of the kids responses to the story project:

STUDENT 1
"How fun is it going to be?"

LIBRARIAN

"A lot of fun. You're going to meet industry professionals and they're going to teach you."

STUDENT 1

"Do we have to read and write?"

STUDENT 2

"Are there explosions?"

STUDENT 3

"Do people die?"

STUDENT 4

"Is there blood?"

STUDENT 5

"What about hot bitc... I mean hot chicks?"

STUDENT 6
"Do we have to read and write?"

STUDENT 7
"Do we have to work hard?"

STUDENT 8
"Do we have to pay attention?"

STUDENT 9

"Do we have to do anything besides stare at the screen?"

LIBRARIAN
Yes, you have to work hard, read, and write. And no to all the other questions.

MAJORITY OF THE STUDENTS
"Ah, shit, that's gay then."

TEACHER
Watch your mouths!

The "students" complain some more about the assignment they have to do after the librarian finishes up his lecture on The Story Project. It's all background music to me as I read the paper and jot in my notebook. However, I heard an interesting come back from the teacher to one of her student's generic responses to work that entails something like:

STUDENT

"This is boring, blah, blah, blah. I can't learn because it's boring. How do you expect me to work if it's boring? You're a bad teacher because it's boring. I can't learn because it's boring. It's not my fault because it's boring. Wah, wah, wah."

TEACHER
"Boring, boring, boring. Everything is boring because my name is _______ and I'm boring"

I also ran into a parent in the library. I guess she volunteers at the school or something. Good for her, the school needs more volunteers. But the crazy thing is she bragged to me about her kid's behavior problems. She was beaming when she mentioned her kid _______ was the biggest terror in my infamous 3rd period class, which every teacher who has them (and especially her kid) can't stand. However, according to his mother: "He's just a little sweetheart at heart who needs love and attention". I failed to inform her that her son is an obnoxious, misogynistic little shit who needs some discipline and respect, among other things (like he needs to learn to read and write already).

So, that was pretty much my day. The only other thing of note that happened was that I saw a bunch of the kids at school that I know (strongly suspect) smoke pot and do drugs walk down to the corner of Venice and Walgrove to buy drugs from the high school kids. I saw them exchange handshakes with bills and baggies in their hands. They even about jumped out of their clothes when they heard a cop's sirens blip from the other side of the street. When they noticed the cops were chasing a car in the opposite direction they went back to conversing and making exchanges with the middle school kids. If I would have been thinking I would have took a picture. I didn't think of it until just now, though. I think I'll go back tomorrow and take a picture. Hopefully, they'll be there again. I have a feeling they will be.

Opening Day, Same as Yesterday....

Opening day, same as yesterday.
The day when everyone has a chance to be a winner, a chance to win the world series. Well, at least if you're not the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Tampa Bay "Rays" (formerly known as the "Devil Rays"). I'd like to think I'm neither. I'm more a Colorado Rockey myself-talented, but disappointing. Well, this year it's all going to change. I finished the last edit of my novel "The Land of Lost Dreams" and will be posting excerpts on the blog soon (like, this week).

I swear, I will not procrastinate any longer:

I will not publish blogs and/or pics days or weeks after they were taken (kind of like these lazy-daze pics taken before opening day yesterday).

I will improve upon my blog.

I will submit, submit, submit.

I will keep not smoking cigarettes (24 days and counting).

I will get the hell out of "The Vortex" (aka: Los Angeles).

I will stay in shape.

I will not complain as much.

I will try to be content (as much as a human being can living within a consumer world).



Okay, today is my opening day. I hope history doesn't repeat itself. So, here's to going yard this year, same as last year?...